Stop writing for a while...

I've been insensitive for a while, which leads to stop writing.

Being in a workshop for three full-days made me re-think about the writing habit.

I've been enjoyed so much in writing as a way of talking to self since teen. In my college years, I have more time to explore myself in and outside of the school work, my writing work bloomed during that time. I can still remember every time when got off from the philosophy class, tons of stuff like water conducting splashes in the head, which made me "high" for the rest of the day, and I usually couldn't stop my pen in writing thoughts down, like someone takes drugs afterward.

However, I found I lost the skill when started working. Day by day, I were kind of just following the routine of life and not seeing everyday is a surprises and an adventure. What a horrible thing!

I forgot to take a step backward and "pause" for deeper feeling to have a chance to breathe. I forgot to leave some memories of those wonderful moments happened in front of me and just let it slip by fingers. What a waste of treasures!

I think I did learn something from the workshop not just some attitudes or techniques that a therapist should learn, but the way of being with yourself and being curious about the world. On the way home today, I kept thinking about those old days when I stayed with the drama troupe. There was one particular practice I remembered well: You have to open your eyes and keep your attention in everything surrounded. You have to observe the environment you are in and try to memory what these bring to you. Like, what does the sun shine on the leaves of the tree look like? How does the sound sound like? What do you feel when you observe the environment? What do you feel while your body move?

I used to love the practice. How could I forget it for such a long time?!

I felt like I was like the bug that Jastein Gaarder had written in "The Sophie's World". It was on the top of the rabbit's hair, holding tight, waving and shouting to the outside world that "I AM HERE!". However, by the time went by, the tiny bug got tired of waving and shouting, it just went deeper from the top of the hair to the skin and found some places comfortable to rest.

I just don't want to be an ordinary bug, I want to keep my curiosity and continue exploring of the world.

I shared in the group in the work shop today about how thankful I am to the clients in the demonstration today by telling : We as therapists are so lucky to have the opportunities to hear others' life stories and not just being through our own lives. Clients do have "GIFTS" with them all the time, which is not only means a present but also an ability to handle their own lives.

I was touched not by the class or the teaching documents, I was touched by the greatness of humanity.

And all of these encourage me to start the "observing practice" and writing again. While starting a new part-time job as a jump-start of my career this month, I hope I can find some times everyday to draw some of the thoughts I might have and write it down. I start to believe write and talk really have the magic to the self-reflecting process gradually.

I hope myself can be improving day by day.

I want to be a better person to the people I care so much about.